…for a play partner who wants to play with both of us. Not a relationship, mind (at least, not yet), but maybe a friendship with some sexy benefits.
This is not as easy as it sounds. I’ve been going through the local profiles on FetLife and most of the members are dudes or straight girls. If they’re not dudes or straight girls, they’re switches, or monogamous, or really young, or little.
Nothing makes you feel as old as realizing you really don’t have the temperament to fuck most1 people who are 15 years younger than you2.
I’m not even 40 yet.
And littles are just way more of a thing than I really want to deal with on more than a friend level. It’s nothing personal. I’m just way too lazy for that level of commitment.
Of course, if M found himself interested in a little, I would do what makes him happy, but I would only be doing it out of a desire to please him.
So I suggested a munch.
I know, right? Fifteen years into a 24/7 master/slave relationship, and we still have never been to a munch.
There’s a munch group not too far from here. If we ever get the car squared away, I think a munch would be awesome. We could go to one, and if we hate it, we never have to go again.
“Except we’ll have to go to more than one,” I said, after pointing that out to M. “Because the first time we go we’ll hate it and think everyone’s an asshole.” That’s how we operate. I have to consciously force myself to talk to people multiple times before allowing myself to write them off as people I really don’t want to talk to. It’s not them, it’s me. My brain goes, “They hate you. They all hate you,” every time I meet new people, and then everything someone says feels like a slight, and I’m working on it, but it’s not always easy to overcome.
But we haven’t even gotten to the talking phase, yet, because all the people in our local community are dudes or straight girls.
And, like, I understand the need for anonymity–especially in a community as small as ours–but I don’t understand the accounts that have five thousand pics of other people and none of themselves.
We might have to widen our search some.
So that’s where we’re at. I’m really excited, and I feel like I’m in a really good place for something amazing if my mindset stays on the path it’s been on recently. I don’t expect anything to happen any time soon, because we don’t have a reliable vehicle, and that really restricts what we are comfortable doing outside of, like, grocery shopping. But the fact that we’re looking makes me sort of giddy.
P.S. We’re working on a secret sexy project that won’t be connected to Rayne Millaray or Insatiable Desire. If you’re interested, drop me a line in email (rayne at insatiabledesire dot com), or DM me on Twitter with an email address where I can send the details when we’re ready.
1. Qualifying with “most” because no one of any generation is the same, and I’m sure there are people 15 years younger than me with whom I share interests and personality traits.
2. There is a vast difference in my generation and that of those 15 years younger than me. The internet was just becoming a thing when I was a teenager. Some kids had beepers so their parents could get in touch with them, but cellphones were only something owned by people more well off than we were. We didn’t have access to the entire world in the palms of our hands. I often find we have extremely different views on the world. That’s not a bad thing. It just sometimes makes it difficult for me to relate to them. …not that I need to relate to someone to play with them, necessarily, but it can make the playing more meaningful.