Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Question 34:
I’m really interested in being a dominant/submissive/switch. I have quite a few fetishes, but hurting someone/being hurt is not one of them. What if I don’t like S&M? Does that mean I can’t dominate/submit/switch?
Nope. And to be honest, dominating and submitting without S&M can be just as beautiful and require a great deal more creativity.
There are all sorts of ways to dominate and submit without pain play.
A favorite of M’s is humiliation. Lots of things fall under this category, from the way he uses me sexually to the things he says to me. A couple of his favorites are making me wear an anal plug when we go out, and using nontraditional parts of my body to get off (belly, breasts, leg, etc.) without allowing me to get off. Some would consider humiliation play a form of S&M, though. Obviously whether or not you enjoy this type of play is up to you to decide.
Submission can be sexual or non-sexual. It can be 24/7, or just in the bedroom. It can include bondage or not. It can include pain or not. It can be limited to domestic service, if that’s what you want. It just depends on your interests and needs.